by Jane Grafton
One of the greatest blessings about working with Marlene Evans as closely as a number of us did was that she could observe our “needs” (i.e.mistakes, weaknesses, etc.) and observe patterns that would more than likely prove to be hurtful to our relationships.Mrs.Evans also used times like driving somewhere together, or stopping to eat a meal together as a time to counsel if we wanted to do so.
I had mentioned to Mrs.Evans some small issues about our daughter that concerned me.After several times of my mentioning several different issues, Mrs.Evans looked me in the eyes and kindly said, “Jane, be easily pleasable.” She followed that statement with, “Look for patterns.”
Mrs.Evans went on to explain that when we attack every small issue (and I must admit some of the issues I took to her were very small issues), children can soon begin to feel that no matter what they do they cannot please us.However, she also explained that it is important to look for improper habits or behavior and make a plan on how to deal with that
issue in a way that the child will learn the proper habits without feeling like he cannot please you.
One of the statements she said was for every “no” or correction, there should be 12 “yeses” or praises.Mrs.Evans also said, “Jane, giving praise is one of your strengths.”
Mrs.Evans could have given me blunt correction that day and told me that I was being too picky as a mother, that I was being negative, that I needed to cut Carissa some slack, and that I need to be more positive.I would have left that meeting feeling beaten down and thinking I was a failure as a mother.Instead, I left her presence with more confidence as a mother, more wisdom as a Christian mother, and feeling like she saw the gold in me to be a pleasable mom.
I challenge you today to be a pleasable mom! On more than one occasion, Mrs.Evans mentioned the fact that girls who were unable to please their mothers grow older without those emotional needs being met.That, in turn, causes those adult women to have trouble with other adult women.I wonder how much trouble among women is rooted in the fact that a lady simply never felt the acceptance and love of her mother because she never felt she could please her mom.
A girl needs her mom’s approval.Approval is a gift that costs nothing but love, time, and planning.Find ways to genuinely praise your daughter (empty words are meaningless to a child; they can see through our shallow words).At the same time, address the issues that need to be addressed, but look for patterns! Let your daughters know you see gold in them too.
P.S.Boys also need to know they can please their moms!