Christian Womanhood

My Perfect Image

by Cindy Schaap

I recently read a story that touched my heart. A young couple had two children. The oldest was a healthy boy, and the youngest was a mildly retarded girl. When the daughter Molly was about two, the couple sent her away. They did not tell their son where she went. They simply said, “Molly is living somewhere else; she is happy, and you are not allowed to talk about her anymore.”

The little boy never forgot his sister Molly, however. When he became an adult, he learned that Molly had been sent away to an institution. She had lived under the care of a supervisor who tended to over 60 children each day. Molly had spent most of her formative years lying all day in a bed amongst several babies, with no family to love her.

When she was an adult, Molly’s big brother found her. At that time she was living in a smaller group home. Molly’s brother and his wife visited her every week and took her to several fun places. While they were visiting Molly, a doctor informed the brother that his sister was not really that retarded. Had she been trained well in a real home, she could have lived a more normal life. As it turned out, she had the mind and abilities of a preschool child.

Molly’s brother also discovered that his father had taken a side job as a clown so that he could go into the institution to see how Molly was doing. Molly’s grandmother secretly visited Molly every week and played with her. What explanation was given for Molly’s being given away?

Her father worked in an executive position. Her mother often entertained other executives and their families in her home. She did not want Molly to embarrass her and to ruin her perfect image.

I went to bed with a heavy heart after reading this story, and I thought about it much of the next day. I did not feel angry at this mother whom I have never met. I cannot really know her motives. Instead, I felt grieved at all of the selfishness I see in my life and in those around me as we strive to convey that “perfect image.” Allow me to share some of those thoughts with you.

1. We cook an elaborate meal on the holiday because we want everything to be picture perfect; then we snap at our families because we are so worn out.

2. We try to make our house look as impressive as the Joneses’ next door; then we treat our children as if they are in the way when they sit down in our living room.

3. We move into houses that we can barely afford; then we place our children in a babysitter’s care so that we can keep the bills paid.

4. We become bored with being home alone with our children, so we choose a career that will fulfill us and sacrifice our best training years with our children.

5. We make our decisions based on what will give us a good identity amongst our peers at church or in the neighborhood, rather than based on God’s priorities for our lives or what is best for our husband and children.

I must admit that at some point in my life, I have been guilty of some of this. As I read my own writing, I am wanting to say a great big “OUCH!” But it is necessary sometimes to stop and refocus on what is important. For some of you, a simple refocus is all that is needed. For many American women, a complete lifestyle change is more in order. As an empty nester, let me say, “Please do your best with your children; they grow up so quickly!” Yet, as you do your best, remember you will never be perfect. No one is really perfect at anything.

I believe in being first-class. I believe in giving God my best. I believe in the goal of giving my family the best I can as their maid, their cook, and their chief bottle washer. I believe in being as first-class as I can afford to be. And I believe in being as first-class as I can without running over people.

As I have thought today of the Mollys of this world, I have been reminded of Isaiah 49:15, “Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.”

No love is as steadfast as a mother’s love. Yet the rising abortion rate in this country is proof that mothers sometimes do forget their own. How thankful I am that we have a Saviour Who never forgets. My prayer is that I will forget my “perfect image” and love others more as Jesus has loved me.

Additional Resources: The Path to a Woman’s Happiness by Cindy Schaap


		My Perfect Image by Cindy Schaap I recently read a story that touched my heart. A young couple had two children. The oldest was a healthy boy, and the youngest was a mildly retarded girl. When the daughter Molly was about two, the couple sent her away. They did not tell their son where she went. They simply said, “Molly is living somewhere else; she is happy, and you are not allowed to talk about her anymore.” The little boy never forgot his sister Molly, however. When he became an adult, he learned that Molly had been sent away to an institution. She had lived under the care of a supervisor who tended to over 60 children each day. Molly had spent most of her formative years lying all day in a bed amongst several babies, with no family to love her. When she was an adult, Molly’s big brother found her. At that time she was living in a smaller group home. Molly’s brother and his wife visited her every week and took her to several fun places. While they were visiting Molly, a doctor informed the brother that his sister was not really that retarded. Had she been trained well in a real home, she could have lived a more normal life. As it turned out, she had the mind and abilities of a preschool child. Molly’s brother also discovered that his father had taken a side job as a clown so that he could go into the institution to see how Molly was doing. Molly’s grandmother secretly visited Molly every week and played with her. What explanation was given for Molly’s being given away? Her father worked in an executive position. Her mother often entertained other executives and their families in her home. She did not want Molly to embarrass her and to ruin her perfect image. I went to bed with a heavy heart after reading this story, and I thought about it much of the next day. I did not feel angry at this mother whom I have never met. I cannot really know her motives. Instead, I felt grieved at all of the selfishness I see in my life and in those around me as we strive to convey that “perfect image.” Allow me to share some of those thoughts with you. 1. We cook an elaborate meal on the holiday because we want everything to be picture perfect; then we snap at our families because we are so worn out. 2. We try to make our house look as impressive as the Joneses’ next door; then we treat our children as if they are in the way when they sit down in our living room. 3. We move into houses that we can barely afford; then we place our children in a babysitter’s care so that we can keep the bills paid. 4. We become bored with being home alone with our children, so we choose a career that will fulfill us and sacrifice our best training years with our children. 5. We make our decisions based on what will give us a good identity amongst our peers at church or in the neighborhood, rather than based on God’s priorities for our lives or what is best for our husband and children. I must admit that at some point in my life, I have been guilty of some of this. As I read my own writing, I am wanting to say a great big “OUCH!” But it is necessary sometimes to stop and refocus on what is important. For some of you, a simple refocus is all that is needed. For many American women, a complete lifestyle change is more in order. As an empty nester, let me say, “Please do your best with your children; they grow up so quickly!” Yet, as you do your best, remember you will never be perfect. No one is really perfect at anything. I believe in being first-class. I believe in giving God my best. I believe in the goal of giving my family the best I can as their maid, their cook, and their chief bottle washer. I believe in being as first-class as I can afford to be. And I believe in being as first-class as I can without running over people. As I have thought today of the Mollys of this world, I have been reminded of Isaiah 49:15, “Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.” No love is as steadfast as a mother’s love. Yet the rising abortion rate in this country is proof that mothers sometimes do forget their own. How thankful I am that we have a Saviour Who never forgets. My prayer is that I will forget my “perfect image” and love others more as Jesus has loved me. Additional Resources: The Path to a Woman’s Happiness by Cindy Schaap