Christian Womanhood

When the Dark Days Come

by Kim Blakeslee

Kim has been an employee of the Hammond Baptist Schools system for nine years.

I became the single mother of two young girls early in the morning on December 22, 1994, when my husband Jeff and oldest daughter Shannon were taken to Heaven by way of a car/train accident. I had married Jeff nearly 14 years earlier, knowing that he was everything I could ever hope for and dream of in a man. I just knew in my heart as we began our lives together, that I would never have to worry about being one of those women who would face rearing my children alone. Since my parents had divorced when I was very young, I was thinking of single motherhood only in those terms. It never remotely occurred to me that Jeff would go to Heaven when he was so young, just 33 years old, and in the middle of our child-rearing years. My darling Shannon was only 12 years old. Nothing in my life had prepared me for being a widow when I was only 32 and for the death of one of my children.

And yet, here I was with the coroner knocking on my door three days before Christmas to tell me that both my husband and my daughter had died instantly only a few hours before. I know I was in shock; I could barely comprehend what he was telling me. But within minutes of his leaving my house, my two remaining daughters—Laurel, age eleven, and Tory, age nine—went with me into their bedroom to talk, cry, and pray together. I told them then what I still believe today: if God had taken their father and sister to Heaven, then that was what was best for our entire family, each and every one of us. However, I was also instantly aware of the awesome responsibility that the Lord had just placed upon my shoulders. I realized I had been given the task of finishing the rearing of Laurel and Tory, a job Jeff and I had begun together. I felt numb, overwhelmed, scared, unprepared, and a thousand other emotions. Most of all, 1 felt the most complete need for my Saviour that I had ever felt in my life. So many questions flooded my mind and heart, not the least of which was, “How am I going to be what my little girls need?”

Ten years have now passed. I can in no way describe how very different life has become for my daughters and me than it was before Jeff and Shannon left us. But Laurel and Tory are now beautiful young women, and I have had opportunity in recent days to reflect on the past decade, thinking about how good God has been and the many ways He has guided us and proven Himself faithful.

I recall receiving advice from my pastor shortly after the accident. He recommended that I try to keep as many things the same for my girls as I possibly could. For us, that involved my not moving us back home to be closer to family, since we had been living in Indiana in order for Jeff to attend Hyles-Anderson College. He also recommended some things I could do to try to give my girls an extra measure of security at a time when they surely felt that their worlds were crumbling. I did follow the advice of my pastor, knowing that I shouldn’t “make decisions while my decision-maker was broken.” His recommendations were extremely difficult for me. They involved denying myself the comfort of family, for which I so desperately longed, in order to make life more bearable for my daughters. They meant taking on a responsibility (home ownership) that I felt was more than I could bear, when I already felt overwhelmed beyond belief with other things. Now I don’t regret listening to the advice of our pastor Brother Hyles. My girls tell me that they appreciate what I did for them and that the decisions I made in those early days helped and strengthened them. Using the wisdom I received from Brother Hyles made for more stable children, which saved me and them from additional heartache down the road. (Brother Schaap is now my pastor, and I continue in my established pattern of following pastoral advice.)

The Lord also gave me strong assurance from the beginning of my single-parenting experience that I did NOT need to be both mother and father to my children, in spite of my feeling that way many times. My work load had been greatly increased it was true, but He didn’t expect me to be a father to my girls. After all, it was everything I could do just to be mom! I knew that just as He was Heavenly Father to me, so He would be to them. I found it difficult at times to trust a Father I couldn’t see, but I knew that Jesus was with Laurel and Tory everywhere they went, in everything they did. That was more than Jeff could have done! What security we had!

I have continued to attend church regularly throughout the years with my girls. I would like to tell you it’s been easy, but at various stages of grieving it has not been. Of course, for innumerable reasons, it has been imperative to our survival as individuals and as a family to not turn our backs on God, Who was our only source of help and strength. Isaiah 42:16 says, “And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them.”

Only the Lord knows His reasons for allowing our family to live through some unspeakably difficult and dark days. Only the Lord knows His reasons for allowing your family to know hardship. When you get to the place (and you will get there!) when you can look back over your single-parenting days, you will have no regrets about leaning hard on the promises of God, accepting the challenges of your situation in God’s strength, and listening to wise counsel. I am convinced that, no matter what your situation, it’s GREAT to be God’s child!


		When the Dark Days Come by Kim Blakeslee Kim has been an employee of the Hammond Baptist Schools system for nine years. I became the single mother of two young girls early in the morning on December 22, 1994, when my husband Jeff and oldest daughter Shannon were taken to Heaven by way of a car/train accident. I had married Jeff nearly 14 years earlier, knowing that he was everything I could ever hope for and dream of in a man. I just knew in my heart as we began our lives together, that I would never have to worry about being one of those women who would face rearing my children alone. Since my parents had divorced when I was very young, I was thinking of single motherhood only in those terms. It never remotely occurred to me that Jeff would go to Heaven when he was so young, just 33 years old, and in the middle of our child-rearing years. My darling Shannon was only 12 years old. Nothing in my life had prepared me for being a widow when I was only 32 and for the death of one of my children. And yet, here I was with the coroner knocking on my door three days before Christmas to tell me that both my husband and my daughter had died instantly only a few hours before. I know I was in shock; I could barely comprehend what he was telling me. But within minutes of his leaving my house, my two remaining daughters—Laurel, age eleven, and Tory, age nine—went with me into their bedroom to talk, cry, and pray together. I told them then what I still believe today: if God had taken their father and sister to Heaven, then that was what was best for our entire family, each and every one of us. However, I was also instantly aware of the awesome responsibility that the Lord had just placed upon my shoulders. I realized I had been given the task of finishing the rearing of Laurel and Tory, a job Jeff and I had begun together. I felt numb, overwhelmed, scared, unprepared, and a thousand other emotions. Most of all, 1 felt the most complete need for my Saviour that I had ever felt in my life. So many questions flooded my mind and heart, not the least of which was, “How am I going to be what my little girls need?” Ten years have now passed. I can in no way describe how very different life has become for my daughters and me than it was before Jeff and Shannon left us. But Laurel and Tory are now beautiful young women, and I have had opportunity in recent days to reflect on the past decade, thinking about how good God has been and the many ways He has guided us and proven Himself faithful. I recall receiving advice from my pastor shortly after the accident. He recommended that I try to keep as many things the same for my girls as I possibly could. For us, that involved my not moving us back home to be closer to family, since we had been living in Indiana in order for Jeff to attend Hyles-Anderson College. He also recommended some things I could do to try to give my girls an extra measure of security at a time when they surely felt that their worlds were crumbling. I did follow the advice of my pastor, knowing that I shouldn’t “make decisions while my decision-maker was broken.” His recommendations were extremely difficult for me. They involved denying myself the comfort of family, for which I so desperately longed, in order to make life more bearable for my daughters. They meant taking on a responsibility (home ownership) that I felt was more than I could bear, when I already felt overwhelmed beyond belief with other things. Now I don’t regret listening to the advice of our pastor Brother Hyles. My girls tell me that they appreciate what I did for them and that the decisions I made in those early days helped and strengthened them. Using the wisdom I received from Brother Hyles made for more stable children, which saved me and them from additional heartache down the road. (Brother Schaap is now my pastor, and I continue in my established pattern of following pastoral advice.) The Lord also gave me strong assurance from the beginning of my single-parenting experience that I did NOT need to be both mother and father to my children, in spite of my feeling that way many times. My work load had been greatly increased it was true, but He didn’t expect me to be a father to my girls. After all, it was everything I could do just to be mom! I knew that just as He was Heavenly Father to me, so He would be to them. I found it difficult at times to trust a Father I couldn’t see, but I knew that Jesus was with Laurel and Tory everywhere they went, in everything they did. That was more than Jeff could have done! What security we had! I have continued to attend church regularly throughout the years with my girls. I would like to tell you it’s been easy, but at various stages of grieving it has not been. Of course, for innumerable reasons, it has been imperative to our survival as individuals and as a family to not turn our backs on God, Who was our only source of help and strength. Isaiah 42:16 says, “And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them.” Only the Lord knows His reasons for allowing our family to live through some unspeakably difficult and dark days. Only the Lord knows His reasons for allowing your family to know hardship. When you get to the place (and you will get there!) when you can look back over your single-parenting days, you will have no regrets about leaning hard on the promises of God, accepting the challenges of your situation in God’s strength, and listening to wise counsel. I am convinced that, no matter what your situation, it’s GREAT to be God’s child!